This pretty much sums up my personality :)
One childhood memory that is remains clear in my mind is when I told my best friend at the time, Alex, that I was moving away from Chatham in the second grade. I’d already moved twice before that, but it was the first time I was old enough to comprehend what exactly it meant. I’ll never forget how she responded that day at recess: “Let’s not play together today so I can get used to not being with you.” For some reason, that memory pops up in my mind from time to time - especially now that I’m mentally preparing myself for yet another move. Strangely, I have felt myself unconsciously distanced from my friends lately, and perhaps I have applied that same logic Alex had. Saying goodbye to friends is never easy, even after having had to do it so many times already. Sure, technologies today allow us to keep in touch with others despite long distances, but the ease of seeing that other person will never be the same, hence transforming the whole dynamic of the relationship. After a goodbye, there is always that moment where I think to myself whether that would be the last time I would get to see that person. I never saw Alex again, and even if I have talked to her once or twice since, my second grade best friend was lost forever. This realization is bittersweet and yet also is so commonplace that best friends are seemingly easily replaced. So before you move on immersed in the exciting future ahead of you, step back and cherish what you are leaving behind.
I feel so blessed for being granted the perseverance and motivation in the past year in reading the Word :)
One of my all-time favorite albums :)
Today was my first time riding the GO Train from Union Station, surprisingly. After living in Toronto for the past four years, I’ve grown so accustomed to thinking of this city as the home of my school that I’ve forgotten the memories I had growing up here. My dad used to take this very same GO Train to and from work everyday. There was a time when my family did not have as much financial means, and my dad drove a used 1987 Toyota Tercel to the GO station everyday. Being at the Royal Bank Plaza today where my dad worked for nine years, I still remember the first time I got to visit during take your kids to work day in the ninth grade. It felt like just yesterday, but it’s already been eight years. Looking in retrospect, my family has come so far, been to so many places, and done so many things together since those days in Markham. I’m so grateful that we are still one happy family even now, and I am so thankful for these moments where I feel a little closer to my roots and family even amidst being the constant busyness of this city.
I had the wonderful opportunity of babysitting my sister last night and in the few short hours I got to spend with her, I felt like I learned more than I have learned in a long while. A four year-old’s soul is ever so innocent and naive, free from the corruption and terrors of this world. She would ask me endles questions, and when I tell her a white lie to appease her curiosity, she would believe me without a doubt. She asks me for help and hugs me when she is scared. And it is then that I realize that this little girl loves me so much and places so much trust in me. It is a wonder how she grew up so fast - five years ago, I would not event think to picture myself having another sibling, and somehow God knew how much of a blessing she would be to our fast family before we even knew it.
Hearing about the elementary school shooting and seeing the names of all those children murdered breaks my heart into pieces. I came across a picture of a teenager in tears looking for her sister during the shooting and I couldn’t help but imagine myself in her shoes. All those children that brought joy and blessing to their families as my sister does to mine were killed by a selfish and irrational act of violence. Five years ago I couldn’t imagine having a baby sister, but now I can’t imagine not having her. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and heartache the families of those children experiencing. I pray for the families of those children - that they will be able to overcome this struggle with love and acceptance in their hearts. I pray that the innocent hearts of children in America do not have to be tainted and harmed by violence and hate. I pray that my sister will not have to grow up in a world where shootings become mundane.
This week has been the biggest cliffhanger for me. Although I’m not stressed out, I am definitely feeling incredibly antsy and excited for the news I should be receiving this week. The past four years of my education has come down to this very moment. I won’t be too upset if I don’t get into NYU law - I know that a rejection letter will also be exciting news because it’ll mean that I will most likely get to move to California. The suspense is killing me! I guess this is a win-win situation for me at this point, but it will be nice to know where I’ll be winning at :) Praying for the good news!
A home may be wherever your family is, your house is, or the place you hold closest in your heart. Perhaps some like the comfort of having grown up and lived in the same place for their whole lives, though I prefer the contrary. Although it is still ambiguous as to where I consider my home, I’m glad that I have experienced living in so many different places. Each place has held it’s own unique story and lessons learned; each place makes me feel sentimental thinking about all the memories. Visiting this home of mine makes me miss all that has happened here, though at the same time, I’m glad that I have the chance to move on to a new and exciting place next year. The warmth of knowing that I can come back here whenever I want and still feel the same welcome and love from friends is something that I have been so graciously blessed with. I see all that has changed while I’ve been away, and though it seems like I have missed out, it is also nice to know how well everyone has been doing. I’ll always be proud to have been able to call Jersey my home :). Wherever I am led next, I know that I can trust in Him that it will be a place where I can build a home and continue my journey.
Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
2012 is surprisingly almost over, and looking back at the resolutions I wrote on January 1, I think it is safe to say that I have changed drastically in order to maintain these goals. With only a month left in this year, I hope to continue to remind myself daily of these resolutions. Most people give up or forget about New Year resolutions, but I have been incredibly determined and am thankful for the perseverance I’ve had:
1. Pray pray pray.
3. Control emotions and desires.
4. Be more involved with church and fellowship.
5. Read the bible.
6. Exercise 2-3 times a week.
7. Cook and eat healthier.
8. Be diligent and focused on school.
9. Be thankful for everything I have.
10. Always smile :)
I think my planning for my life has been terrible thus far. Nothing has gone how I thought it would. I think about all the plans I had with a person, or where I wanted to settle down after school, or what mistakes I would want to avoid, and yet they have all failed. Though at the same time, the path my life has taken has gone perfectly despite occasional bumps, no matter how big or small. I try not to plan too far ahead; perhaps I won’t go to law school in New York, or maybe I won’t go to law school at all - I won’t know what happens until it happens. The hardest part is letting go of the plans I’ve made in the past. Although I know they aren’t meant to be, somehow it hurts to realize how badly they have gone and how much I regret. Perhaps wishing something could happen means I’m not trusting enough, and this is definitely something I need to work on.
I often get comments of people admiring how “smart” I am, complimenting me on my looks, or telling me they’re jealous my family is well-off. I don’t find myself particularly smart, or good looking, or rich; it bothers me that somehow, it is these things that people notice about me the most. Although I am thankful to have been blessed with all that I have, I do not think that good grades, beauty, or money has made me any happier or more satisfied with my life. Rather, I hope that one day, people will look at me and see that what shines within me is the love and joy that God provides me with. I hope to avoid being perceived as someone materialistic, self-absorbed, or vain, instead striving to be generous, humble, and passionate.
You know you’re happy with life when you can’t remember the last time you cried out or were upset. Perhaps the longest period of time I’ve been this happy for years now. Praise God :).